


Whispered Truths

by NoDecaff4Me



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Post-Episode: s02e07 State v. Queen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:34:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26817430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoDecaff4Me/pseuds/NoDecaff4Me
Summary: Post episode 2x07 'State v. Queen' ficletIn the aftermath of being kidnapped by the Count Felicity is noticeably struggling until one day she doesn't show up to work…
Relationships: Oliver Queen/Felicity Smoak
Comments: 30
Kudos: 199





	Whispered Truths

**Author's Note:**

> I'm lately having a really hard time concentrating on writing... However, during my two weeks vacation, the muse has decided to finally grace me with her presence and this little one-shot is the result of it. I hope you'll enjoy it. 
> 
> Just a little note at the beginning: there is mentions of Felicity taking sleeping pills, but in NO WAY is this supposed to imply any kind of substance abuse or attempted self-harm. I hope I did a good enough job explaining that in the story. 
> 
> Special thanks to Julie for helping me with her beta magic and Nikki for encouraging me to keep going.

Things were off. They had been off ever since the night the Count had kidnapped Felicity. 

What had happened that night had completely thrown Oliver for a loop.

He knew fear. It had been a constant companion in his days on the island, he knew how it felt to be terrified. But that night, when he got the call from Felicity’s phone only to hear the Count on the other end of the line, he heard her whimpering in the background and his blood froze in his veins.

Nothing could have prepared him for the moment he stepped onto the executive floor of Queen Consolidated and saw Felicity tied to a conference chair with The Count standing directly behind her, and his fingers gliding through her hair. The look of absolute terror in her eyes, something he’d remember for the rest of his days, was something he could do nothing about, even as that asshole’s hands traveled over her arms and came to rest on her shoulders and he could see her flinch and her whole body trembling under this unwelcome touch. 

He felt a surge of something he had never experienced in his life. It was a mixture of panic and rage that surged through his body like fire, leaving him breathless. It took everything in him to stay calm and focus on the task at hand: saving Felicity. 

The only thing he knew in that moment was that he was willing to do whatever he had to do to make sure Felicity was safe. Even if it meant breaking his promise to his best friend.

Killing the Count had been the easiest decision Oliver had made in a long time. 

That third arrow had been unnecessary but, seeing those needles with a possible lethal dose of Vertigo pointed so close to her throat, had been more than he could handle. He let his rage take control.

The truth of the matter was that he wanted to kill the Count. So the third and final arrow was shot to make sure he remained dead.

And it felt good. Unsettling so.

The relief he had felt was so overwhelming, that he hadn’t even realized the Count had scored a hit with one of his bullets. It was Felicity, her hand so gently placed on his arm, who told him. He shook his head, not caring about his injury, he only cared that she was safe.

The feeling of relief didn’t last long though. 

Not that he’d expected everything to go back to business as usual right away, he wasn’t delusional, and with how the night’s events still had him still he knew couldn’t it be any different for Felicity. 

They had last spoken when he came back from the courthouse after his mother’s surprising acquittal. He had come back to the lair, needing to see for himself that the antidote had worked and Dig was going to be okay. If he was truthful with himself, he really needed to know how Felicity was doing more than anything. He had told her that there was no choice to make, and wanted her to understand that there would never be a choice for him when it came to her safety. Yet she was more concerned about him and how he was dealing with having broken his promise to Tommy because of her. It was clear that she wasn’t ready to talk about what happened to her that night. He understood and didn’t press her to talk.

And that’s the way it stayed. She remained adamant about not wanting to talk about it and he respected her wish. But if he was completely honest with himself, he knew he didn’t ask because he didn’t know if he could handle the truth. 

Rather than push her, he stayed quiet and just let things run their course. Like the coward he thought himself to be, he let himself believe that things would somehow sort themselves out through time and patience. 

But of course, wishful thinking never solved anything and miracles didn’t exist. Normally the office, and the lair, would have been filled with the rhythmic clicking sound of Felicity’s fingers doing their magic on her keyboard or the rhythm of friendly banter between her and Dig, but those moments became fewer and fewer until they were gone altogether. 

Felicity had called in sick one morning. Oliver found out when an unknown face greeted him, as a replacement from the assistant pool, telling him that she was there to fill in for Felicity for the day.

It didn’t sit well with him, that his friend - partner - didn’t even so much as text him. She knew that he would want to know when something was wrong. But he didn't have much time to dwell on that when a minute later Isabel Rochev marched into his office, with a very pointed glare in her eyes and her expression full of contempt, reprimanding him for being 3 minutes late for their investors meeting.

Reluctantly, instead of calling Felicity, he quickly sent her a text, wishing her a speedy recovery and to call him if she needed anything.

What followed was an excruciating never ending marathon of back to back meetings and, as Diggle stepped into the office, he realized it was already past 6 pm . 

“Anything from Felicity?” Oliver asked, looking up from the huge pile of presentation papers that had been handed to him during the various meetings. 

Digg shook his head. “Tried to call her several times, but no response from her.”

Both men looked at each other in silence and concern. 

To say that he was worried was an understatement. Worried was two days ago when she’d stopped tapping the rhythm of her coding with her left foot. Worried was when she practically leaped out of her chair when he accidentally brushed her ponytail with his arm. 

What he felt now was fear, true gut-wrenching fear. 

Felicity was never more than a few steps away from her phone and, if for any reason she couldn’t immediately take it, she’d always call back right away. For her to not answer any of Digg’s calls or respond to his texts was not like her. Unless… 

A firm hand on his shoulder pulled him out of his head and back to the present. He must have started pacing his office without even realizing it. 

Looking Dig in the eyes, he saw his own feelings reflecting back to him. 

“Go,” Diggle said as he handed him the keys to one of the executive cars in the garage, “let me know if she’s okay and tell me if you need anything.”

Oliver turned around without another word and headed for the elevators. Doing what he should have been doing days ago. 

****************

It was starting to get dark when Oliver parked the car in front of Felicity’s townhouse. The apartment was unlit and uninviting when Oliver looked up its windows. There was no sign of movement or life. Without giving it a second thought, he pulled a lock pick set out of his suit jacket and silently let himself in. 

He stood completely still in the entranceway and listened. Nothing. Not even a hint of sound greeted his ears. After a moment, he moved quietly into her home, careful not to make any sound. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary as far as he could tell. Her bedroom door was open and, in the gathering dark, he could just make out her silhouette in her bed. 

“Felicity?” his voice, although hushed. sounded extremely loud inside the otherwise silent walls of her apartment. There was no reaction though. She was sound asleep.

As he watched her steady breathing, safely tucked into her bedsheets, he debated with himself as to whether he should wake her or not. Suddenly, feeling that his unasked (and probably unwanted) intrusion into her privacy was totally out of bounds, he turned on his heels and had almost made it out of her bedroom when, out of the corner of his eye, something caught his attention. 

A bottle of prescription pills was standing on her bedside table, the cap off and lying beside it. A sinking feeling started to form in the pit of his stomach and a rising sense of panic started to make its way to the surface. 

His breath caught in his throat as he kneeled down beside her, his eyes drifting from the bottle to the woman in front of him. One close look confirmed that they were benzos. Highly dosed sleeping pills you’d only get upon speaking to a doctor. The label told him they were only two days old and there only seemed to be only a couple of pills missing. 

Turning his head, he looked at Felicity. She was dead to the world, the benzos clearly doing their job, but her breathing was even. Listening more closely, he could even hear her softly snoring, not unlike the times when she would fall asleep in front of her workstation in the foundry. 

A sigh of relief fell from his lips although that didn’t change the fact that she obviously needed prescription drugs to help her get her much needed sleep. 

Because of him. Because of what she’d become involved in because of him. 

It was in this moment that his mind was made up. He sent out a short text to Diggle, letting his friend know that there wouldn’t be any vigilante business done that night and he could take the night off. Carefully, he took off his shoes and eased himself down on the other side of her bed, his head resting against the headboard as he watched her sleep. 

For once he’d be there for her, not the other way around, and would watch over her while she slept as it was the least he could do. He would sneak out in the early morning before she woke up, she wouldn’t even know he had been there. 

About two hours later, he could feel Felicity beginning to get restless and soon her whole body started to jerk under the covers as a nightmare invaded her sleep. 

“No, no, no…,” she cried out, her head thrashing side to side. Oliver instinctively laid down beside her and slid an arm under her pillow to move her closer to him, knowing that he needed to wake her up but careful to not scare her awake. He was keenly aware that his presence in her bed might terrify her when she awoke.

“Oliver! No please, no… no! I’m sorry. I’m sorry!” 

“Shhhh… It’s okay. It’s just a dream,” he gently let his free hand pull back loose strands of her hair as he whispered into her ear. 

“I’m here, Felicity…,” he scooted as close as he dared, pulling her more firmly towards him, “You are safe. We’re both safe.”

He continued quietly murmuring words of encouragement as she seemed to calm down in his arms, but the moment was short-lived before she woke up and blinked her eyes open and he could see the confusion seep into her sleep drugged mind and she immediately pulled away from him. 

“Oliver!?” She looked at him in complete shock, panic written all over her face, just before she shot out of her bed and without any further word bolted towards her bathroom. The door slammed shut behind her before he could react and it was only a few seconds more before he could hear the distinctive sound of her throwing up into the toilet.

He cursed under his breath as he got out of Felicity’s bed. He should have known better than that. It must have been a complete shock for her to find him beside her and in her bed. What was he even thinking! 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have surprised you like this,” Oliver nervously rubbed the back of his head as he watched Felicity leave the bathroom, “I… I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

She didn’t move from her spot in the door and just looked at him with an unreadable expression on her face. He couldn't remember when there was a time she didn’t have a witty retort of any kind in answer for him. 

It normally was her way to make him talk. To have the roles reversed right now made him unreasonably nervous as he was completely out of his element. It made him hold his breath as she walked past him and back into her bedroom. 

Without even thinking, he started to follow her. 

“Are you okay, Felicity?” It was the only thing he could think about saying. The only thing that really mattered at the moment and the reason he was there. 

“I…,” She took a deep breath and Oliver prepared himself for her to rightfully light him up for invading her privacy, but instead, she slumped down on her bed and the air left her lungs in a shaky exhale. 

She closed her eyes and shook her head, “You died. In my nightmares you die,” a quiet sob escapes her lips. “Every time I’ve closed my eyes for the past few days I have watched you die. And I am the one that kills you.”

Felicity’s voice was quiet but steady. Oliver did not know what he expected to see in her face when she looked back up, but it surely wasn’t the anger he saw flare in her eyes. There was a lot of hurt, confusion and sadness, but beneath all of it there was anger, something he was very familiar with. 

“But I’m not dead…,” he spoke in a gentle tone as he took a tentative step towards her and when she didn’t object, he crossed the space between them until he was right beside her and able to kneel down to her level, “you would never hurt me, Felicity.” 

“I know!” she all but yelled, making him lean back to give her more space.

“Well - at least the rational side of my brain does know,” she quickly amended, seemingly calmer after realizing her initial reaction was more forceful than she intended. “But clearly my subconscious hasn’t received the memo.”

It was a weak attempt at humor Oliver could tell, but he didn’t challenge her. Tonight it was about what Felicity needed and that she knew he would do whatever it took for her to feel better, and he was there for the duration, no matter the pace she set.

“Whatever you need, Felicity, I’m here.”

“Would you… maybe just stay? I totally understand if this is too weird for you, but given that I’ve woken up to you already being in my bed, I…,” she bit her lower lip and looked at him sheepishly.

Oliver huffed out a chuckle, “I would like that.”

Felicity gave him a small smile and slipped back under her covers and turned so she could face him as he lay down on the other side of the bed, on top of the blanket, and reached over to take her hand in his to give it a light squeeze. She slid a little closer so that her forehead could rest against his shoulder and for a while they both just lay there. 

“I hate this…,” she whispered against his shoulder, breaking the silence. “This feeling of not being in control. I can’t get rid of it. It sucks.”

At least a hundred questions swirled through Oliver’s mind hearing her say that. As ugly and horrifying pictures started to flood in, the need to ask her what had happened to her in those hours she was at the mercy of that lunatic was almost overwhelming, but he knew better than to ask in that moment. This needed to happen at her speed and not his. 

“There were times in those years I was away where I felt the same way. That feeling of helplessness, of being at the mercy of others it… It’s daunting,” he admitted. 

He took a shuddering breath and continued, “There were times I thought I couldn’t make it through the next day and all I wanted was to sleep. To just feel nothing.”

It was Felicity’s turn to squeeze his hand, “But you made it through. You made it home. Your strength got you through it all.”

“And you will make it through, too, Felicity. You’re one of the strongest people I have ever known.”

A bitter laugh was all he got in return.

“Hey! Are you the one who volunteered to go into an underground casino to find Walter?”

“Yeah…but I also got caught and I wouldn’t have made it out of there without your help.”

“Which was exactly the plan from the start, remember?”

“I guess…”

“And are you the person who refused to leave the foundry the night of the Undertaking, knowing the earthquake could destroy the factory, too?”

“I had nightmares for weeks after that.”

“You jumped out of an airplane to find me on Lian-Yiu.”

“To be fair I think that was safer than staying in that rusty sardine tin.”

“You willingly went out as bait for Mathys,” he continued, undeterred by her deflections.

“And we both know how that ended,” she absentmindedly rubbed the back of her head at the memory.

“You’re incredibly frustrating,” Oliver huffed in mock annoyance.

“Well, maybe if you were telling me what kind of game we’re playing I could play along,” Felicity teased back.

“Not a game. Just trying to prove a point.”

“And what would that be?”

“That you, Felicity Smoak,” Oliver turned so he could look her in the eyes, “are every bit the hero you say I am.”

Felicity burrowed her face in the pillows in response and her breath hitched. 

“Hey…,” Oliver reached out for her, his fingers again gently tucking a loose strand of her hair behind her ear, “What’s wrong, Felicity?”

“I don’t feel like a hero,” she blubbered out as she looked back up, tears running down her cheeks, “I feel like a failure.”

Without a word Oliver pulled Felicity closer and hugged her tight, her head coming to rest on his chest and she gripped his shirt as she let herself cry, probably for the first time since that night, and his heart broke for her in that moment. 

Oliver didn’t know how long they just lay there like that, with his hand drawing soothing patterns on her back, but time didn’t matter long as he could give Felicity the comfort that she needed and - if he was completely honest with himself - he desperately needed, too. 

After a while, Felicity started to relax in his arms and the sobs gave way to even and deep breaths. 

“He touched me,” her voice not more than a whisper, but to Oliver her words reverberated through every fiber of his body like a roll of thunder, stopping him dead in his tracks, his whole body tensing. 

“Not in a sexual way, but he constantly touched me, my hair, my shoulders, my arms, my face,” her breath hitched before she continued and he instinctively pulled her even closer to him, “I know he did that to intimidate me, to get to me… and he did.”

“He got to me, too.”

“But you’re not the one crumbling to pieces.”

“I know,” he paused for a brief moment before continuing, “But, the moment he called me and told me that he had you... Thea and I were waiting for the jury to come back with the verdict but when I heard you in the back… All that mattered to me in that moment was you… Because, the truth is I don’t know what I would do if anything happened to you, Felicity.”

If someone asked him later Oliver wouldn’t know which of them was more surprised by his admission, but the next moment clearly shocked him even more. Felicity had reached for him, pulling him in for the tenderest of kisses before she yawned and snuggled back against him.

“Thank you. For being here with me,” she mumbled sleepily before drifting off to sleep again, leaving Oliver wide awake with his heart hammering in his chest. The gesture was so miniscule, just a small press of her lips to his… A fleeting moment and yet it left his heart and mind reeling. 

Wanting to kiss Felicity wasn’t a foreign concept to him, it had been a recurring fantasy of his ever since he’d met her, one he’d gotten very good at ignoring over the past year. This was dangerous territory. She was too good for him and he would only drag her further into his darkness. He wasn’t what she deserved. He was broken, probably beyond repair t…and yet all it took was this innocent gesture on her part to make him question his own resolve.

_He was screwed._

**Author's Note:**

> So, what did you think? I'd love to hear from you by leaving me a little feedback (and kudos if you're so inclined…)  
> Also, you can find me on Twitter @NoDecaff4Me. Come say hi! Drop me a note. I promise I don't bite.


End file.
